silly me

Dear Night Owls,
I just had a great night hanging out with my friends. So what could possibly make me upset? Oh yeah! I remember... the fact that I can be over the top obnoxious and do stupid things when I'm nervous. I don't know why, but some people just make me act crazy. I get loud and I do stupid things like jokingly punch someone in the shoulder. Trying to be playful? Cute? Who knows. All do know is that I feel like a fool after that. I really need to work on keeping myself in check. Nerves should be easier to control than I allow them to be. I don't know why I have to do these things. They're all such little things that I shouldn't think about because it's not going to matter in a week or so, but I hate the thought of someone leaving and being like, "what was that for?" Gah. Why do I do SUCH stupid things? This all seems vague I'm sure so I'll give you an example from sixth grade (an insignificant event to everyone else, but to me it's like a tattoo). In sixth grade my family went on spring break to Arizona. My sister's best friend's family also went. It just so happened that her brother was in my grade. Tom. He was so cute! And did I mention that the week before we left for Pheonix he told me he liked me? It was the best day of my life- I had only been waiting for a year! It was fate. Fast forward to dinner with our two families. We both ordered Mountain Dews (soul mates). When the waitress came by to drop off our drinks and set a MD in between us, I reached over and grabbed it. He looked at me and said, "I got a MD." I was mortified. Of course he ordered the best soda on the menu, and stupid me had to take his! (Mine was set down to me left without me noticing it). I will never forget the humiliation I felt from that situation. Pathetic, yes. All you need to know is that is how I'm feeling right now. And I hate it. HATE it.

Oh well. I just need to forget it and move on. Good luck with that, Jules! There's my rant for the night. I'll still be up though... had two too many Dr. Peppers! (Mountain Dew is tainted from sixth grade spring break). Stay up well.
Yours Truly,
Julia