Insecurities

Every once in a while I have moments of insecurities. Seconds. Or even a fraction of a second. I reassure myself that this is normal, but I don't even know where it stems from. What happened to the little girl who fearlessly wore a pink high-heeled flip-flop on her left foot and an Adidas tennis shoe on her right? That girl who had the confidence to wear whatever it is she thought would define her as unique even if it meant wearing six different pony tails at one time no longer exists. At least not all the time.

It has nothing to do with the clothes I wear or wore (though I am SO glad I outgrew the blue and gold eyeshadow) but everything to do with the carefree attitude I once possessed.

Blame it on the media, the mean girls, boys, whatever you choose to be your scapegoat. Yeah, maybe they had some effects on who you are today, but is it ever just because of ourselves? We compare ourselves to everyone around us. Why don't I look like her? Why don't I act that cool in front of cute boys? Are we programmed to think this way eventually? Is it in our genes to be self-conscious?

I can remember doing whatever I wanted and not worrying. Worry. It's the thief of happiness. It gets us nowhere. It superglues us to the past and prevents us from moving on with our lives and enjoying them. Why do we worry? Is it because of what other people will think? Or is it because of what we will think of ourselves?

So many questions and it's not even midnight....can you say, "no sleep tonight?" I can....

If anyone has answers, I'm willing to listen. Good night y'all!